I remember the good ol’ days when banner ads just sent you to wholesome websites about candy and baby animals. Now, you’ll be lucky to not be blasted in the face with ads that brag about how much smarter celebrities are than you. I’ll never believe your lies, American Idol’s David Cook!

I present to you, for the newly minted holiday season, a preenacted scene of John Madden’s reaction to hearing the news that someone was killed the day after Thanksgiving for the video game that bears his name:

Remember when the Internet was new and exciting and full of 28K unfriendly pornography? Well, we suffered for nothing.