Today the Detroit Lions will call the name Matthew Stafford, Quarterback, Georgia and begin the yearly crap shoot known simply as the NFL Draft. Knowing the late history of Lions, this means that Mr. Stafford will have his throwing arm severed in an accident at a Ford assembly plant goodwill demonstration.

With the upcoming release of Punch-Out!! for the Nintendo Wii next month, I thought it’d be the perfect opportunity to take a look back on the first entry of the series on consoles, Punch-Out!! for Nintendo Entertainment System.

Call ‘em what you want. Soup strainer, cookie duster, lip tickler, or just plain awesome. There’s no doubt about it, a good mustache will take you a long way.

As can be seen elsewhere on this mighty web fort of our’s, I love videogames. I love them a lot. But if there’s one aspect of videogames that’s awesome, it’s the commercials.

You know, I really hate having to write these stupid introductory paragraphs. Like I have to explain more of what that title didn’t! If you’re that brain dead, go, like, read CNN.com or something.

People. They’re everywhere. Everywhere! Well, except England. What do most people have? Names. Some people have good names (i.e. Jon Hamm) and some people, as you will see, well, not so much.

Today I am here to talk about the most appalling of apparel, the most felonious of fashion, the worst wears of sports history.

Listen, folks. Atavism — the return to an earlier form — can often be a positive ideal. One can look at most any breed of dog and see that wolfish features would make the said dogs actually worth keeping alive.

The origin of April Fools’ Day is relatively obscure. Generally, no one can quite pinpoint exactly why we make fun of the gullible on the first day of April.