I recently stumbled upon a spec script I wrote way back in the year 1999. It presupposes that my favorite things when I was 10 years old and when I was 15 years old were in fact one. Those things? The seminal cartoon Doug and the relentlessly great Law & Order.

William thought he saw the fire down in the bay before anyone else did. He peered and shook his head in disbelief. This sort of thing should not happen. He knew, however, they marched, ever still. Not here, he thought. Not here in Boston. Not on the long road to Lexington, where so much of the unseasoned America was beginning to hope for newly minted freedoms to be released from their lobster-coated cages.

I remember the good ol’ days when banner ads just sent you to wholesome websites about candy and baby animals. Now, you’ll be lucky to not be blasted in the face with ads that brag about how much smarter celebrities are than you. I’ll never believe your lies, American Idol’s David Cook!

If there’s one thing that we admire here at TRO, it’s beards. Apoplectic Fittz has a beard bigger than his own face, I have a beard, and Grandpa Antares wishes he had one. (It keeps him up at night, in tears). Heck, even Heather Staredown had one once too.

I’d reckon that any of the four people that stumbled upon this post would not recognize just how great the early 90s Dallas Cowboys were. I mean, sure, to most, they’re considered the team of that decade.

I don’t know about you guys, but when I think of Burger King Kid’s Meals, I think of two things, big asses and early 90s irrelevant novelty rappers. Wait, what?

Remember when the Internet was new and exciting and full of 28K unfriendly pornography? Well, we suffered for nothing.

Apparently super cool guy Vince ShamWow! got arrested for repeatedly punching a prostitute in the face after she “bit his tongue and wouldn’t let go.”