Jon Gruden has signed on to coach for an NFL team next year along with an exclusive commitment to commentate on ESPN’s “Monday Night Football” broadcasts.

You might have heard that Patrick Swayze died but fret not, he is now ghost riding the whip in heaven.

Battlefield 1943 is awesome. No, really, it is! I recommend everyone with a PlayStation 3 or an XBOX 360 go and buy it online as soon as they can. It’s really fun, and pretty well balanced. Plus, you get to kill people.

Legendary game character Mario used to be a brilliant man. Some might even call him Super Mario. Those days are lost to him now. The Mario you know and love from your youth is no longer with us. Years of adventuring and hardships have left him a shell of his former genius self. We take a look at a former great man’s descent into what will inevitably be his final years where he will no doubt be forced to wear adult diapers.

You began traveling through another dimension. A dimension, not only of sight and sound, but of comedy. A journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination. Next stop, the Twilight Zone! The Movie!

I don’t know about you, but all of this coughing, aching, and drowsiness after my recent trip to Mexico has really put me in a bad mood.

We have two sports centric videos for you today. First up is a video that I made around the time our current President took office and, I’m told, cured cancer.

The mise en scène of Prince Fielder hustling for a double set to Baltimora’s Tarzan Boy as Mark Loretta’s knee is shattering is about the highest form of art you will likely ever see. Some day, when we are all gone, lifeforms far more advanced than us will gather all they need to know about our lives and cultures from just this video.

Today the Detroit Lions will call the name Matthew Stafford, Quarterback, Georgia and begin the yearly crap shoot known simply as the NFL Draft. Knowing the late history of Lions, this means that Mr. Stafford will have his throwing arm severed in an accident at a Ford assembly plant goodwill demonstration.

I remember the good ol’ days when banner ads just sent you to wholesome websites about candy and baby animals. Now, you’ll be lucky to not be blasted in the face with ads that brag about how much smarter celebrities are than you. I’ll never believe your lies, American Idol’s David Cook!