I see a lot of laughing on the Internet. It is certainly a part of the culture of the Internet, as bizarre as that seems. We have LOLcats, for heavens sake. And you know, you all do it too with your hehs and your hahas. Even you, Mr. ahahahahaahahahahahahha and your excitable laugh. I do it. I can admit it. The thing is, I’m pretty sure it is all pretty disingenuous. You aren’t really LOLing when you “LOL”. And you know what, fuck you “LMAO” person. You didn’t really laugh your ass off. I’m fairly sure of it. It would hurt and how would you sit?

You know what my mom used to think LOL meant? Lots of Love. I’d get emails from her where she would randomly put that in about needing to call my Grandmother more or something. Do you know how confusing that is? I thought all along that she was being sarcastic and kind of cruel. And speaking of my grandmother, she got an email from my uncle once where he had typed “ROFLMAO” and she said to me, “Ro-flame-e-o…what is that?” See what you have done?

I’m not saying things on the Internet aren’t funny. Like, for example, my blog. It is a laugh riot…twice a year. The Internet has been crafted by we ‘netblazers from an idea to get information from one place to the next as quickly as possible into an entertainment mecca, here only to make us laugh 24/7. Well, for that and porn. However, porn is also funny. That said, when you message me on your gchats and your facebook chats, and your AIMs, etc, I know what you are up to when I make a scintillating reference to the duplicity of Who’s The Boss? You’d have to be a crazy person to truly ROFL at text on a screen, alone, at home, and you’d be even more crazy to assume that I don’t know that you aren’t actually rolling on the floor at this moment. That’s not how a person behaves.

Let me give you a quick guide to live by in these situations, friends. I will demonstrate what a laugh in an online conversation really means when said to your best witticism: