They’re gonna love his nuts…in prison.

Apparently super cool guy Vince ShamWow! got arrested for repeatedly punching a prostitute in the face after she “bit his tongue and wouldn’t let go.”

This brings up a couple of questions that I have.

1. Who the hell kisses a hooker? I mean, I know Vince Shlomi, AKA Vince Offer, AKA Vincent Pennyworth III is something of a comedy savant and shrewed pitchman, but that doesn’t excuse this hooker/John faux pas. Who does he think he is? Richard Gere?
2. Has he really sold enough enough smelly rags to afford $1750 (including hotel room) worth of hooker sex? We’re in a recession, Vince. I mean, I know you live your life lavishly with your fancy headset mic and elaborate cheese graders, but come on, Motel 6 and $15 Shalonda next time, man. She’ll treat you right or your money back, guaranteed.

This would never happen to Ron Popeil. I can’t imagine Jack LaLanne has ever wrongfully punched a woman face. Richard Simmons can’t even begin to get sexual aroused unless he has known his partner for at least 7 years…and is a miniature poodle. Billy Mays would never stand for this kind of debauchery without cocaine and a Gator Grip involved at the very least. If Vince Offer wants to be a part of this elite group of snake oil slingers, he’ll need to to clean up his act.

Speaking of Mays, however, considering the recent bubbling feud Mays and Vince have had over who is the king of the infomercial pitch, I can’t help but consider sabotage as an option when looking at the mugshot of the Vidalia Chop-it-tongued prostitute: