Okay, listen, I get it, midgets are hilarious. Look at ‘em. They think they’re people! HAHA. What scamps! First there was the Lollypop Guild, then Oompa-Loompas and Tattoo from Fantasy Island, then midget porn, and then Wee Man. Throughout history, these little folks have been the butt of our jokes and danced for our amusement. That said, I thought we had moved past the exploitation. However, in the burger world, your rules and equality mean NOTHING.

De plane flew on wings of hatred and was fueled by scorn.

Case and point, the burger giants (See what I did there? I’m amazing.) behind McDonald’s reign of terror have been promoting their new line of tiny slider-esque products by using small people as sight gags. Of course, even though little people mean little sandwiches, make no mistake, these things are still for you regular sized fatties. Burger King started us off with their BK Breakfast Shots. A ham, egg, and cheese bite-sized blast to the mouth that they promote as “small but hard working…” And their farmer that raises the pigs, chickens, and cows that provide you your morning shot of shoddy meats and cheeses? Why, he surely knows something about being hard working.

Oh Burger King, you got us! You thought for sure we’d think you were being socially unjust to assume you meant he’d know something about being small. Way to strip away our preconceived notices and turn the mirror of hate back upon our bitter, jaded, but regular-sized faces. You sure showed us good. Of course, you still have a tiny person in your employ for an obvious sight gag.

Not to be out done, Jack in the Box, perhaps Burger King’s biggest competitor and main advertisement rival, has rolled out their own shitty small burger campaign complete with patronizing an entire group of people. And even if making fun of five midgets is like making fun of one regular person, how would you like your blubbery stature to be the selling tool of a pointless, awful product, fat America? You wouldn’t. There’s not enough tiny burgers in the world to stop those tears.

This does not, however, stop JitB from unleashing one of the most heinous commercials I’ve seen in some time for their Mini Sirloin Burgers. You can view the spot here:

Instead of farmers with giant farm equipment, these midgets are cowboys with tiny cattle, YEEHAW! First off, since when do small people sound like cartoon chipmunks? Not even in Munchkinland did they blatantly make the Munchkins sound like animated varmints. These small cowboys sound like they pee on cedar chips when they’re not out on the range being real albeit, tiny men. In addition to their small stature and likely, bitty old west bravado, these pint-sized pokes also have small horses to ride and stunted steer to wrangle. Seriously, “herding cows the size of schnauzers,” is a claim made by Jack of these minuscule buckaroos.

The worst part of all of this is I can’t get the song out of my head. I’ll be driving and suddenly my mind will start chanting “Yippee-ki-yay! Mini Sirloin Burgers! Yippee-ki-yay! Mini Sirloin Burrrrrrrgers!” What kind of demon unjust sorcerer are they playing with over there at Jack in the Box? Regardless, where does that leave us now? An entire people is apparently fair game again. Which makes me wonder. What’s next? Tiny Tacos from Taco Bell traded by Minuscule Mexican Mamacitas? Or maybe Personal Pan Pizzas from Pizza Hut peddled by Pint-sized Piezanos?

Where does it end, I ask you, America? Where does it end?